I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
