were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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