I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
