At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
