yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
