Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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