i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
