3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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