i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
