I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
