i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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