my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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