I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
