Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
