i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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