i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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