dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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