hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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