i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
