I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
