at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
