i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
