the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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