I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
