Porn is love you can see.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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