I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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