That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
