She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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