My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
