it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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