i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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