Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
