He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
