Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
