Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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