I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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