If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
