I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
