My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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