god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
