having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
