Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
