the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
