Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
