What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
