I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
