He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
