i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
