Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
