Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
