Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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