it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
