nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
