Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
