remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
