my room smells like sperm. sweet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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