It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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