I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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