She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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