i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
