a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
