i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
