if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
