this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
