can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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