Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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