So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
